The End of The End

This morning I arrived in Madrid, officially closing my year of adventures in South Africa. I had the opportunity to say goodbye to all the wonderful Joburgian friends I had made on Sunday night and on Monday evening I flew out from O.R Tambo airport.

I wanted so badly to not express my emotions on this matter using any cliché terms but it really was bitter-sweet leaving SA. On one side I was so happy and excited to move on to the next adventure, I was overjoyed at the knowledge that a reunion with my family and friends in Australia was approaching and I was impatiently waiting for the moment where I would get to see my uncle, aunty and cousins in Spain again. On the other side I was saying goodbye to so many wonderful, amazing and inspiring people and that took so much out of me I can't even put it in words.

But here we are at the end of what has been an insanely, emotionally intense year, where I have learned more about myself than I had collectively in all the years before. I arrived in South Africa as Martha and I have left South Africa as Martha 2.0, the better version of myself.

I want to end this series of blog posts by thanking everyone who played a part in this experience and a great thanks to anyone who bothered to read these extracts of my mind.

The next adventure has taken me to Madrid, Spain where I will be staying with my uncle and family until the 26th of May and in that time I will be spending 1 week in Haifa visiting my big sister Melody and the Baha'i Holy Land. By the end of May I'll be back on Aussie soil, trying to regain my Australian accent which has been severely retarded by so much time away and South Africaness, before hopefully starting my masters at the end of July.

I am planning on continuing blogging so I'll put a link up when I make the next one.

Cheerio then.. and there are still some pictures to come :)

Road Trip Day 2

Day 2 - Tuesday the 8th of February - Being Spontaneous - Total Kilometres: 130

The primary purpose of most road trips is to have fun which usually manifests itself by the participants eating a lot of junk with increased regularity and moving around much less as so much of their time is spent sitting in the car but Bayan and I aren't your regular road trippers and so of course on the second day of our adventure we set our alarms for 6am to go for an early morning run.

One thing which I failed to mention in the list of things that we packed with us for this trip is a little device called The Wheel. It is a wheel with two handles on either side which you use to work out your abs. We brought The Wheel with us on our road trip because we are not normal and yes if you want to know we used it... everyday!

So we had done the wheel the night before and now we were awake bright and early to go for a run. I did say we set our alarms for 6am but we woke up closer to 6.20am as we kept hitting that snooze button, whoever invented that should have gotten a medal, and after we both tried to convince each other that we should go for this run rather than just get back into bed we finally began.

The run was actually amazing, we ran alongside the water but on the road and there was this mist that surrounded us. The weather was cool which suited us perfectly because we started sweating very quickly. The sun wasn't yet able to find a way through the clouds so the sky was light but not bright and everything around us had a grey haze covering it. Our run took us about 40minutes and we snuck back into our rooms feeling great. Our two German roommates were still asleep so we quietly gathered ourselves int he bathroom to finish our exercise routine, of course we mean The Wheel. One thing I need to explain about The Wheel is that as you perform the exercise it feels like your stomach is being cut open, it is a killer ab workout but it works and you only need to do like 10 a day to start to see it working. Bayan, more so than me, makes a lot of noise when she is in pain and so you can imagine how funny it was watching her on the floor in the bathroom doing the repetitions and trying to suppress the owing and ooing she would normally have yelled out. 

Once our exercising was done we had our breakfast which we had packed from home and then decided on our plans for the day. Originally we were hoping to be in Cape Town by this evening so we decided to have a final look at what Knysna had to offer then try and squeeze George and Mossel Bay in before heading straight to Cape Town.

I had heard that Knysna Heads were beautiful so we drove off to see them. There was still a mist covering everything but the weather wasn't cold. It was actually perfect. We used our amazing navigational instincts to find where to go and when we found it it was stupendously beautiful. Ahead of us was this beautiful lake of water which we could see far off connected to the ocean, set against a backdrop of hills. The water was shallow and and we walked out as far as we could. It was so awe inspiring standing where we were because we were surrounded by this beautiful, clear water who's stillness was sporadically disrupted by small waves which appeared to emanate from nowhere.

There were small hermit crab type creatures scurrying around on the sand in the water and these little holes scattered across the floor from where streams of water would spit out like a fountain. I tried to capture a photo of one of these holes spitting but it would be over so quickly I never managed to click fast enough. We enjoyed the serenity for some time before noticing that there was a lookout on one of the heads that we could go to and so we went to see it.

Knysna Heads

I asked Bayan to pose with the boat... this is what I got

A trend that Bayan and I noticed in ourselves was our inability, or perhaps it's more of an ability, lets try it both ways, our inability to find the stairs and our ability to jump down or climb down high walls when we haven't found the stairs. We had parked our car at the lookout and the parking was on a ledge, we saw that if we went down onto the sand we could walk to a little cave type thing so Bayan and I not seeing any stairs instead climbed down the wall. We were both very proud of ourselves for being so versatile and finding a way down when there was none until we saw the stairs and then just felt silly. I'm sure we were great entertainment for all the people that were watching us and who at no point thought they should point out this oversight to us. I can't say much for this lookout, it was just a rock face and some water and the ocean which after about 10 minutes wore out it's entertainment value on us and so we went wandering instead. We found some pathways into the bush and saw 2 caves which looked and smelt like squatter homes for someone and we went up another path looking thing where we tried to take poser model photos but instead got eaten by mosquitoes. BayanOMG I see them!! It's not the same when you actually see them!!" so we left the bush and stuck to the pavement instead.

The ground was covered in these mussel shells

trying to do model poses in the bush but the mosquitoes were attacking us

We departed Knysna, the 2 wanderers, to continue exploring. We were on the road again and our next stop was somewhere near a town called Wilderness. We saw this amazing lake where the water was black so we pulled in to look around. Funnily enough the name of the place was Black Water Lake. While here my cousin Elina called me from Sydney which was exciting.

Black Water Lake

Next stop was Sedgefield. We saw a bunch of little shops and I bought a postcard which I still haven't sent home yet. There was also a sign which pointed out the way to Sydney, yes I was very excited. There was also a random beach in Sedgefield which we went to. The sign said it would cost R5 to go to this beach, clearly we didn't pay. We stayed for maybe 5minutes only enough to honor our policy of feeling the water at every beach we went to.

Sydney = that-a-way

random beach in Sedgefield

Next we went to George, I really ave nothing to write about George because we didn't do anything while we were there and after visiting the tourist information centre we actually crossed George off of our list of places to see, so we turned around and went to Mossel Bay instead.

By the time we got to Mossel Bay it was around 4pm and we were hungry. Somehow we managed to find ourselves at the beach front and there was a restaurant which had a train connected to it. Curious we went aboard the train and saw that there were cabins with beds in them. Bayan immediately came to the conclusion that this was a museum where you could see what the old trains looked like and she wondered why there was no difference between first and second class. I, however, jumped to the more reasonable conclusion that this was a hostel.. I was right. We went to the restaurant and asked about the train accommodation and decided that as we had no where to stay in Cape Town as yet and we wouldn't get there until sometime after 8pm we would spend the night here. I ate some amazing ribs, Bayan had vegetarian food and we explored the train and an old broken down bus that was next to us as well. As the sun went down we walked down to the beach and went for an evening run on the sand, we ran, we did some other exercises and then to cap it all off we stripped off our clothes and ran into the water. It was so beautiful, the sun was completely gone and the beach was lit only by the lights surrounding it. The water temperature was perfect especially as we were hot and sweaty and we were so proud of ourselves for starting and ending this day with exercise.

View from our cabin on the train

the kitchen

On the broken down bus

I thought of my mum the whole time we stayed here

Later we went for a walk around the town, we walked down to the harbour and watched the water, the water was pitch black except for some light that shone from a restaurant. Then Bayan saw something in the water. Then I saw it and for a good 30minutes we watched the water trying to figure out what was in there, we guessed fish, eels, then fish again, then I was sure it was an eel, then we just weren't sure, Bayan may have thought it was a snake until finally we got a good enough look at one to realise that they were seals. Content that we had finally figured out what the mystery creature was we walked back to the train and went to bed. So ended our second day on the road.

The harbour where we saw the seals

True Healing Starts from the Soul

Whilest in Addo Bayan was reading Paris Talks which is a beautfiul compilation of talks given by Abdu'l-Baha while He was in Paris. She came across one of His talks that she felt related to me as I had been sick and feeling down.

"GOD IS THE GREAT COMPASSIONATE PHYSICIAN WHO ALONE GIVES TRUE HEALING

October 19th

All true healing comes from God! There are two causes for sickness, one is material, the other spiritual. If the sickness is of the body, a material remedy is needed, if of the soul, a spiritual remedy.

If the heavenly benediction be upon us while we are being healed then only can we be made whole, for medicine is but the outward and visible means through which we obtain the heavenly healing. Unless the spirit be healed, the cure of the body is worth nothing. All is in the hands of God, and without Him there can be no health in us!

There have been many men who have died at last of the very disease of which they have made a special study. Aristotle, for instance, who made a special study of the digestion, died of a gastronomic malady. Aviseu was a specialist of the heart, but he died of heart disease. God is the great compassionate Physician who alone has the power to give true healing.

All creatures are dependent upon God, however great may seem their knowledge, power and independence.

Behold the mighty kings upon earth, for they have all the power in the world that man can give them, and yet when death calls they must obey, even as the peasants at their gates.

Look also at the animals, how helpless they are in their apparent strength! For the elephant, the largest of all animals, is troubled by the fly, and the lion cannot escape the irritation of the worm. Even man, the highest form of created beings, needs many things for his very life; first of all he needs air, and if he is deprived of it for a few minutes, he dies. He is also dependent on water, food, clothing, warmth, and many other things. On all sides he is surrounded by dangers and difficulties, against which his physical body alone cannot cope. If a man looks at the world around him, he will see how all created things are dependent and are captive to the laws of Nature.

Man alone, by his spiritual power, has been able to free himself, to soar above the world of matter and to make it his servant.

Without the help of God man is even as the beasts that perish, but God has bestowed such wonderful power upon him that he might ever look upward, and receive, among other gifts, healing from His divine Bounty.

But alas! man is not grateful for this supreme good, but sleeps the sleep of negligence, being careless of the great mercy which God has shown towards him, turning his face away from the light and going on his way in darkness.

It is my earnest prayer, that ye be not like unto this, but rather that ye keep your faces steadfastly turned to the light, so that ye may be as lighted torches in the dark places of life."

(Abdu'l-Baha, Paris Talks, p. 19)

I really feel what Abdu'l-Baha is saying in this talk, I feel it so much since the rememdy that I needed to bring me out of my state of depression and back into life was service. On Tuesday whilest in Addo my doctor called me to give me the results of my blood test and he said that everything was fine, there was nothing physically wrong with me that was causing me to be so sick. All of my ailments were as a result of what was going on in my mind and the suffering that this had brought to my soul. To think that our general state of well being can be so powerfully linked to our physical state of health is amazing. Really it took my soul finding its source of happiness for me to recover. In Addo, although it took some time to occur, I got my appetite back, I started laughing and smiling again, I was re energised and motivated again and all because I was doing a few hours of service a day. The doctor had wanted to put me on medication for stress and to help me sleep but as always I prefer natural remedies over medicating myself and at the end of the day I didn't need medication to heal me. If only a few hours of service a day can bring the healing and happiness that I needed imagine what a lifetime of service can do for you. Imagine what applying the words of Baha'u'llah "work done in the spirit of service is the highest form of worship" would do to preventing sickness and illness.

I really do appreciate what Adbu'l-Baha says in the above talk, without our spiritual nature we would be nothing but another animal on this planet. We have been given something so great and so powerful that it elevates us so far beyond the realm of the animal which sits below us and that gift is our souls. When we don't care for our souls then what is there that differentiates us from animals? There is a reason why people say laughter is the best medicine, there is a reason why the will to get better has a greater effect on our health than any medication, there is a reason why prayer and meditation work so wonderfully in bringing us healing and that reason is that all these things are connected to a higher realm which is the realm of our souls and the only way to receive true healing is through that realm.

When Bayan read the talk to me and especially the paragraphs that relate to material and spiritual remedies I knew instantly that my sickness was not a material sickness but a spiritual one and thanks to my being surrounded by beautiful people like Bayan and Asanda and meeting inspiring individuals like the women at the creche and the kids who came to our junior youth group I was able to heal and be happy again.

And be not of those who doubt

As I hastily packed my bags, trying to keep it light and thorough at the same time, I felt so right, so relaxed and sure about leaving. I hadn’t been completely happy in South Africa. Things hadn’t felt like they were going the right way and I felt completely overwhelmed by my separation from the easy life and how trying this country had been.

I planned the trip to Uganda in approximately 36hours. I booked the flights on Tuesday afternoon and flew out on Thursday morning. In such a short space of time everything just worked. I emailed the Ugandan Baha’i National Office requesting help with a place to stay, 2 hours later they replied with accommodation for me and directions on how to get from the airport to the temple. Everything just worked out.

For some time I had been contemplating leaving SA in December and going upwards to Ethiopia or Tanzania both countries border with Uganda. Arriving in Uganda, driving out into the street, the air warm and thick even at 8pm, the landscape was green and there were people walking the streets, shops still open, life still moving. I came to Uganda to escape for a while and I found home. The streets, the air, the scenery, everything looked like Vanuatu. I couldn’t believe it, I knew I had found my answer, the place I could be happy. No crime to keep people locked in their homes after dark, safe enough for women to wander the streets alone at night, cars and taxis still filling the streets. Life here continued after 7pm.

Arriving at the temple confirmed everything, I felt such an amazing sense of relief, my heart felt lighter. Everything about the country told me that I wanted to stay there, that Uganda would be my sanctuary.

I think what happened in SA was that I became overwhelmed by everything that was going wrong, Home Affairs and all the drama there, holding classes where no one would turn up, social issues in the community..etc. It became hard for me to pull myself out of that hole of things going wrong and rise up over everything. I started to drown and I couldn’t find anything to hold on to to pull me out. I was exhausted, I was drained, I was fed up and I needed a release, an escape, a safety net, anything to help me pull my head up out of the water. I feel like that came in Uganda.

The day that I realised I would have to leave South Africa I was talking to Luvuyo about how right it felt that I was going. I was tired of fighting Home Affairs about my visa and I realised that it was a losing battle. I finally noticed the sign that said it was time for me to leave. We talked about how sometimes you need to step out of the circle so that you can see it in its entirety. I had to remove myself from the picture so that I wouldn’t be blocking my own view.

Uganda pulled me out of my water filled hole, Uganda was my rope, my safety net, my escape. I felt like it had all the answers. I felt like leaving SA would solve everything. If SA was what was making me unhappy then a lack of SA would mean happiness.

The first few days I was there Uganda was utter perfection. The air smelt better, the food was nicer, the people were happier and above all I gained the one thing that I have missed and craved more than anything, freedom and independence. Crime is a prison, we lock ourselves in, we don’t leave the house, we constantly watch our backs in South Africa because of the crime. No crime in Uganda meant freedom from that prison. I could walk the streets at night, shops are open till very late, there is public transport running till 1am. My cage was gone and I was so happy. The temple grounds are vast and beautiful. People come and just sit on the slopes of the hill, relaxing, reading, sleeping. It is such a nice place to just let go of everything and be at ease. As I talked to the Ugandan Baha’is I felt even more right about staying in Uganda. Everyone told me that I should come back to serve. They told me how desperate the temple is for volunteers, how there are 3 Baha’i schools that could use help, I was even offered the opportunity to fulfil one of my dreams. In northern Uganda one of the Baha’i centres collapsed and it needs to be rebuilt. I was told that if I came back I could go and rebuild it, making the bricks from scratch and constructing the whole thing. I was in absolute shock, I’ve always wanted to be a builder, I’m planning on studying construction when I get home and right there for the taking is an opportunity I never thought I would get. Yes, it was confirmed. I would come back to Uganda in January and stay till May. That was the plan, a nice easy plan, then things changed.

Every day I went to the temple to pray and to re-centre my thoughts and figure things out. One subject I spent a lot of time on was South Africa. After about the midway point in my stay in Uganda something strange started to happen, I started to miss South Africa. Absurd I know, how could anyone miss this country with its muggers and rapists and racism and lack of equal opportunity and poverty and inefficiency and corruption...etc. I found myself in the most strange position of looking forward to going home. Did you get that last word, I said home. South Africa, the country I was so excited to see the back of was my home and I missed it.

There is one thing that I need to deal with in my life and that’s how to handle the hard times. When things are going good I’m all there, I’m miss 100% the one you can count on always with a smile on her face and a positive thought but when things go wrong I want to run. I’m a runner, I leave, I walk away, I forget and move on. I don’t know how to deal with things. It occurred to me that I was solving my problems with South Africa by running away, if I up and left to what I thought was a better country then all my problems would disappear. I should have realised by now that it doesn’t work like that. I ran away from Australia and came to SA thinking that I was leaving the bad things behind and realising only when I got here that somehow they had found their way into my suitcase. Now I wanted to do the same, I wanted to leave SA because things got tough and I couldn’t deal with them. The light bulb came on, I was the problem not South Africa.

There’s corruption in Uganda, there’s poverty in Uganda, there’s a lack of equal opportunity in Uganda and a lack of efficiency in Uganda so why was I so positive about staying there and resentful about going back to SA. Only because of what I said before, I thought different location, different people, different environment would solve everything. It doesn’t. When I stopped being angry at South Africa I realised how much I liked it there. I still wouldn’t want to live here and I still don’t think it’s the greatest place on Earth, quite the opposite actually, but I realised that it’s my home now. I have friends here, I have a purpose here and I can help here I just needed to adjust myself in order to see that.

Soon what I thought was confirmation for me to stay in Uganda became confirmation for me to stay in South Africa. As I talked to people about the problems that I had noticed in SA the reactions changed from “You should come here” to “they need all the help they can get, you should stay there”. That was the whole reason I decided to come to SA in the first place, because I realised how much they need the help. Losing that anger and resentment was so relieving. Suddenly I was excited about going home and putting my new energy into action. All it took was me removing myself from the picture and looking at things holistically instead of only from my point of view.

There is a prayer in the Baha’i Writings called the Tablet of Ahmad that really hit me. Although I’ve read it tonnes of times before, I've even memorised it, there was one line that I really took from it on this trip

“And be not of those who doubt.”

I challenged myself fulfil this line. Stop doubting life when things get hard, try more perseverance and determination. So I’m going to stick it out here in South Africa. It’s going to be hard and trying and frustrating but that’s ok. I have removed all my prior expectations and I’m just going to do what I can “Even if the swords of the enemies rain blows upon thee and all the heavens and the earth arise against thee..”

Uganda was exactly what I needed, in the week that I was there I learnt so much about myself and Africa. I learnt that Africa needs a lot of help, corruption is embedded into every facet of society, greed and selfishness have stunted progress in every field, language has become such a barrier amongst that even people from the same country are segregated because of their inability to communicate. Africa has issues and although it would be easier to run I’ve never been one to take the easy way out.

I’m not upset anymore about the things that went wrong because they got me to this point of clarity. Instead I’m grateful for everything that has happened and I only hope that I can continue to pull myself out of all the future problems which I know I will have to face.

There is one other prayer that I have been trying to implement into my life and if I can then I should have no reason to worry or feel frustrated anymore..

O God! Refresh and gladden my spirit. Purify my heart. Illumine my powers. I lay all my affairs in Thy hand. Thou art my Guide and my Refuge. I will no longer be sorrowful and grieved; I will be a happy and joyful being. O God! I will no longer be full of anxiety, nor will I let trouble harass me. I will not dwell on the unpleasant things of life.

O God! Thou art more friend to me than I am to myself. I dedicate myself to Thee, O Lord.

- 'Abdu'l-Bahá

3 days in

It's only been 3 days since I arrived here but it feels like so much longer. The people here are so warm and welcoming that you instantly feel like you're part of the family.

Yesterday I was put to work. It was my first shift at the Baha'i Centre and I was put in with the kitchen staff. We started at 9am and within 30min of work I started to cry. I cried more than I cried when I left my family at the airport, I just couldn't control it no matter how hard I tried.. by the 3rd onion I gave up and asked one of the other girls to finish cutting the rest.
Now everyone teases me about how I cry everyday because today I was in the kitchen again cutting onions and crying.

I have 2 roommates Ivy and Nondwe. Ivy works in the finance section and Nondwe in the kitchen. Everyday we cook lunch for about 35 staff at the centre. Other departments include gardens, security, the secretariat and laundry. The structure is based off that of the Baha'i World Centre so it's really structured. Kitchen staff work 6 days a week 9-6 but when there are function they work 12 hours and often work7 days a week. They are very short staffed here which is why the youth are so exhausted so anyone feel like going on service South Africa is taking offers.

Today I forced Michael, a Baha'i guy from Adelaide who is travelling through here, to come with me to the Aus vs Denmark game. We got soooo lost. The stadium (Ruimsig Stadium) doesn't appear int he GPS beause it's actually called Roodepoort Athletics Stadium and its FIFA name is Ruimsig. So we got to the game late but it was ok because no one scored till the second half. We won 1-0!! It was a nice little victory and it hope it keeps our team on good spirits. It was hard to find other Australians in the crowd because there were so many South Africans at the game and they were all wearing their jearseys which are also green and gold.



Tonight I ate a whole pizza

Life here is difficult for me because I have to rely on others. I can't go anywhere unless someone can drive me. I don't yet know my way around and I can't get a sim card without my passport which is with one of the Baha'is who is holding it for me and I can't get to her without a car which I can't get to unless someone has the time to drive me.

Otherwise things are good and I'm looking forward to my big sis coming and travelling a bit.

Until next time I get access to a computer

Ta ta

Explanation

In my haste to start ranting on about my life I forgot to explain what it is exactly that I'm doing.

I'm going to South Africa for what we Baha'is call a Youth Year of Service. I am a Baha'i (it's a religion) and all the youth in the Baha'i Community are encouraged to dedicate atleast one year of their lives to service to humanity. This can be in any form whether it be helping in one of the Baha'i Institutions like the Baha'i World Centre in Haifa, Israel, at one of the Baha'i Temples or in any one of the Baha'i Schools around the world or it can be community based service which is what I'm doing. In my case I join a community and help them build the capacity of that community. This can be done by establishing local community classes for children, junior youth and adults which aim to develop moral and spiritual consciousness through prayer and virtues.

So here's the plan, I arrive in Johanessburg on the 29th of May and hopefully someone will be there to pick me up from the airport and take me to the National Baha'i Office where I will be staying for the first few weeks. Whilst there I will most probably be helping out in whatever way I can and attending the two Socceroos friendly matches on the 1st and 5th of June.

On the 14th of June my big sister arrives in J'burg from Haifa where she has been serving for the past 2 years and she will stay for 2 weeks and we will attend the world cup together. Then, through consultation with the Baha'is in J'Burg, I will move to another community that I can help out and that is most likely where I will live for the remaining 10-11 months.

So at this point in time I don't know exactly where I will be living but it will all be revealed in this here blog once I find out.

FAQ- for those who don't know it means Frequently Asked Questions :)

Q. Are you getting paid?

A. No, it is completely voluntary

Q. How will you afford to live if you aren't getting paid?

A. Accommodation will be supplied, I will most likely be staying with a family and so food and shelter will come with the package but I have also been saving for this trip for some time.

Q. Why South Africa?

A. I've always wanted to go to Africa for service, I first inquired about going there in 2008 during Uni holidays but I was told that because I only had 2 months free that it would be better used serving in one of the islands around Aus and so I went to the Rowhani Baha'i School in Vanuatu instead. Now that I have more time I am fulfilling my first wish which was Africa and South Africa kindly accepted to have me.

Q. Are you scared with all the violence and the high crime rates?

A. Yes and no. I think that anywhere you go in the world you have to be cautious and careful otherwise you could get hurt. People are murdered, bashed, mugged, stabbed...etc in Australia too. Sometimes the media can over emphasize the violence in a certain place and this can lead us to form inaccurate judgments of a region (the same can be said for Campbelltown). I'm not ignorant to the fact that it could be dangerous but at the same time the Baha'i Community will be looking out for me and as long as I try to stay safe then hopefully I won't have anything to worry about.