Almost Gone

I started packing. Packing is symbolic of the realisation that soon I will have to say goodbye... again. 2 weeks and this segment of my life journey ends. It’s an interesting and strange place to be in. I feel almost as if I’ve come full circle, the emotions and feelings and modes of thought that are playing in my mind now are a replica of what I experienced before leaving Sydney to come here. Funny how predictable we are.

I’m feeling that same sense of unreality, like it hasn’t sunk in yet that I’m going to get on a plane out of SA and not come back, at least not any time soon. I’m feeling that same sense of excitement about doing something new and starting another adventure, the same feeling of anticipation for the date when I finally leave and at the same time that sinking feeling of regret that I’m going to say goodbye to people I care about. I feel that same sense of time being endless and me not feeling that the end is actually near and at the same time knowing that I have only 14days left and that there isn’t enough time to do all the things I need to do. Still, even though I can sit and write about all these emotions, it still hasn’t really hit me yet that it’s over, these last 6 months have gone especially fast compared to the first months that went tediously slow. I’ve finally got a pattern going, a rhythm, a momentum and now I’m leaving.

It will be interesting to see what it will be like for me once I’ve left South Africa. Will my feelings towards this country be different once I’m outside of it? At the moment, considering that I’ve adopted a rather reflective state of mind in these last few weeks, I feel love for South Africa and gratitude for what’s it’s given me which is a stark contrast to some of the more hateful or angry sentiments that I have previously held. There is a certain comfort in leaving that softens you, makes you notice things that before had absolutely no value to you. The way that all the taxi guys yell out the name of their destinations exactly the same and in the exact same tone “Town, town, town, towen, towen, town” or the way that young kids come up and touch my hair because they think it’s so beautiful and of course all the insanely lame pick up lines I’ve had the pleasure of hearing like “Can I be your fairytale?”

I think knowing that you’re leaving makes you take on the form of a sponge, you just start absorbing everything, filling yourself up and hoping you can keep it all in but eventually, maybe in a few months or even a year or more, most of what you’ve soaked up will drip away or dry up and what you’re left with is not memories of the place or what it looked like or what it smelt like but the people and the impact they had on you and the friendship that continues on and the memories you created with them and the emotions you shared together. That’s what I know I’ll always keep from South Africa but I’ll still soak up as much as I can and hope it stays with me for a while.