The End of The End

This morning I arrived in Madrid, officially closing my year of adventures in South Africa. I had the opportunity to say goodbye to all the wonderful Joburgian friends I had made on Sunday night and on Monday evening I flew out from O.R Tambo airport.

I wanted so badly to not express my emotions on this matter using any cliché terms but it really was bitter-sweet leaving SA. On one side I was so happy and excited to move on to the next adventure, I was overjoyed at the knowledge that a reunion with my family and friends in Australia was approaching and I was impatiently waiting for the moment where I would get to see my uncle, aunty and cousins in Spain again. On the other side I was saying goodbye to so many wonderful, amazing and inspiring people and that took so much out of me I can't even put it in words.

But here we are at the end of what has been an insanely, emotionally intense year, where I have learned more about myself than I had collectively in all the years before. I arrived in South Africa as Martha and I have left South Africa as Martha 2.0, the better version of myself.

I want to end this series of blog posts by thanking everyone who played a part in this experience and a great thanks to anyone who bothered to read these extracts of my mind.

The next adventure has taken me to Madrid, Spain where I will be staying with my uncle and family until the 26th of May and in that time I will be spending 1 week in Haifa visiting my big sister Melody and the Baha'i Holy Land. By the end of May I'll be back on Aussie soil, trying to regain my Australian accent which has been severely retarded by so much time away and South Africaness, before hopefully starting my masters at the end of July.

I am planning on continuing blogging so I'll put a link up when I make the next one.

Cheerio then.. and there are still some pictures to come :)

1 Month To Go

The 18^th of April marks my last day in Port Elizabeth and my last day of service. In one month from today I will end what has been a whirlwind of events, a vortex of emotions, a dialectic of crisis and victory, an amazing time of growth, self understanding, wonderful new friendships and above all a time of service.

As this day was approaching I looked back on photos of myself from this time last year and reflected on what I was doing then and what I’m doing now. The funny thing is at both times I was travelling, I guess that side of me will never change. This time last year I had just come home from visiting Vanuatu, the first place I ever went for service in January 2008. I had made some of the most wonderful friendships of my life there and so I went back to visit the friends I had made and to be back in the place that my soul calls home.

Looking back on other photos there were times I could hardly recognise myself, not only because my hair colour has changed or because the clothes I was wearing are still in Sydney but because I remembered the way the world looked to me back then, I remembered what was the most important to me then, I remembered what kind of person I was. None of these things were bad but the growth that I have experienced recently is so great that I feel like that girl that said goodbye to her family in Sydney all those months ago is not going to be coming home.

Normally when I notice that I have developed as a person it’s based on a year by year scale but this time I can look back on myself a few months ago and see that I’ve changed. I looked at photos from Johannesburg when I first arrived here and I was having the same feelings about myself as I did with the photos from when I was still in Sydney. Amazing what service can do. It reminds me of this quote from Shoghi Effendi...

"The more we search for ourselves, the less likely we are to find ourselves; and the more we search for God, and to serve our fellow-men, the more profoundly will we become acquainted with ourselves, and the more inwardly assured. This is one of the great spiritual laws of life."

                (Compilations, Lights of Guidance, p. 114)

I didn’t come to South Africa to find myself, when I left Sydney I thought the person I was was pretty great. I didn’t think I needed much self tuning or any major personality repairs but the more I was tested during this service, the more hardships I faced, the more things went wrong or people treated me badly, the more I realised that there were things about myself that I wasn’t happy with and it wasn’t even a process of change requiring tonnes of effort that made me develop from these weak points that I saw but a natural reaction of me realigning myself to counter the things that were going wrong around me. I can’t pinpoint a specific time or place that this change began or be able to note when the greatest change occurred, it just happened and one day I looked at myself and saw that I was different.

It really is true that you see the best and the worst of yourself when you are serving. I’ve seen things within myself that I am just shocked at, how easily I lost control of myself and fell into black pits of despair and I’ve also been so amazingly proud of myself for how I’ve managed to survive through everything and continue to go on with almost no support from anyone. I’ve seen myself reach my heaviest weight while in South Africa, tipping the scales for the first time in my life over 50kgs when this time last year I was in the best shape of my life. I won’t detail everything that I’ve noticed because it is personal reflection but I will say that for those who I will see again in Sydney you’re going to notice that this Martha is not the same as the one you said goodbye to. I am the upgraded version of myself, fully installed with new life handling powers and an ability to kinda cook (mum will be happy about that one).

So now maybe just an outline of what will happen after this month is over. From South Africa I am flying to Madrid, Spain to visit my uncle and his family who I haven’t seen in a couple years. I’ll be spending a month in Spain and potentially going to Haifa, Israel in that time also for a few days to visit my big sister Melody and spend time in the Shrines. The arrival home will be towards the end of May and I have already started my application to do my Masters in Building and Sustainable Design for second semester of this year at the University of Sydney. That gives me 2 solid months to work and pay off all the debt that I have accumulated over this year, which means I also need to find a job and I’m open for suggestions on what I should do.

Honestly, I know it’s cliché, but I cannot believe that it has almost been a year already and at the same time I can’t believe that it’s only been almost a year, it really feels like forever.

Truth be told I can’t wait to get to Spain and see something new, although I’m sure it’s going to be difficult to leave. As much as I’ve stated my dislike for South Africa I actually think I’ll miss it.

Explanation

In my haste to start ranting on about my life I forgot to explain what it is exactly that I'm doing.

I'm going to South Africa for what we Baha'is call a Youth Year of Service. I am a Baha'i (it's a religion) and all the youth in the Baha'i Community are encouraged to dedicate atleast one year of their lives to service to humanity. This can be in any form whether it be helping in one of the Baha'i Institutions like the Baha'i World Centre in Haifa, Israel, at one of the Baha'i Temples or in any one of the Baha'i Schools around the world or it can be community based service which is what I'm doing. In my case I join a community and help them build the capacity of that community. This can be done by establishing local community classes for children, junior youth and adults which aim to develop moral and spiritual consciousness through prayer and virtues.

So here's the plan, I arrive in Johanessburg on the 29th of May and hopefully someone will be there to pick me up from the airport and take me to the National Baha'i Office where I will be staying for the first few weeks. Whilst there I will most probably be helping out in whatever way I can and attending the two Socceroos friendly matches on the 1st and 5th of June.

On the 14th of June my big sister arrives in J'burg from Haifa where she has been serving for the past 2 years and she will stay for 2 weeks and we will attend the world cup together. Then, through consultation with the Baha'is in J'Burg, I will move to another community that I can help out and that is most likely where I will live for the remaining 10-11 months.

So at this point in time I don't know exactly where I will be living but it will all be revealed in this here blog once I find out.

FAQ- for those who don't know it means Frequently Asked Questions :)

Q. Are you getting paid?

A. No, it is completely voluntary

Q. How will you afford to live if you aren't getting paid?

A. Accommodation will be supplied, I will most likely be staying with a family and so food and shelter will come with the package but I have also been saving for this trip for some time.

Q. Why South Africa?

A. I've always wanted to go to Africa for service, I first inquired about going there in 2008 during Uni holidays but I was told that because I only had 2 months free that it would be better used serving in one of the islands around Aus and so I went to the Rowhani Baha'i School in Vanuatu instead. Now that I have more time I am fulfilling my first wish which was Africa and South Africa kindly accepted to have me.

Q. Are you scared with all the violence and the high crime rates?

A. Yes and no. I think that anywhere you go in the world you have to be cautious and careful otherwise you could get hurt. People are murdered, bashed, mugged, stabbed...etc in Australia too. Sometimes the media can over emphasize the violence in a certain place and this can lead us to form inaccurate judgments of a region (the same can be said for Campbelltown). I'm not ignorant to the fact that it could be dangerous but at the same time the Baha'i Community will be looking out for me and as long as I try to stay safe then hopefully I won't have anything to worry about.