My whole life I was proud to say that I had avoided ever having to use a drop toilet or a squatty toilet. Not in India, in Vanuatu, in Uganda have I ever succumb to the need to use a squatty toilet. My first exposure to one of these toilets goes to show the lengths to which I have gone to avoid using one. When we arrived in India in December 2001 my sister and I went to the toilets at the airport. Within 10seconds I came out again. My mum “That was fast, did you go?” my response “No all the toilets are under construction, they were just a hole in the ground” and then the daunting truth, mum “That is the toilet”. My sister and I corrupted our regular excretion patterns by only going to the toilet when we saw a McDonalds or were at our accommodation.
I have gone so far as to have never ‘released my load’ in any other way than using a traditional toilet, one with a seat and a flush. Mind you there have been countless occasions where such toilets have been filthy, the smell abhorrent, no toilet paper, the flush not functioning but regardless of that I have never had to squat... until...
This is the toilet that would change my life forever and as absurd as it seems that I would write about this I am going to share my first experience with you.
It’s day one of our time in the village and Mdyaka village is the chosen spot for where my number one adventure would occur. It’s approximately 6pm and I have already come to the realisation that I will not be able to survive or function for 5 days without using the toilet. It has already been cemented in my mind that my 21 year track record of never having used a drop toilet is going to come to an end and that this place would be the one to rob me of my drop toilet virginity. I decide that there is no going around it, the deed has to be done and I would prefer to do the deed while there is still some light so just as the sun is going down I make the announcement “I need to use the toilet”. So I got my toilet paper and was led to the little shack and there it was, the hole in the ground. The hole is shaped like a key hole where the top circle is bigger than the bottom one. On later analysis I decide that the larger circle is where you should squat over and the smaller circle is just in case you miss. There are even two foot shaped moulds on either side indicating where you should place your feet. My guide has left me with the torch and so it is time to begin. My guide also left the torch on disco mode so as I prepare myself blue, red and white light is flashing off the walls. Hoping not to fall in and concerned about whether I’m doing it right I began with the task and... I DID IT!!!! I used a squatty toilet. It was such a disgusting experience especially the part where you don’t flush or get to wash your hands. The most frightening part was where as I was in ‘the position’ I heard a swarm of flies buzz around me and I feared for where they might go to explore.
After this initial experience I actually became quite a pro at going to the toilet in ‘the bush’ however my body eased up tremendously when we finally were offered the opportunity to use a normal toilet again.
So there you have another glimpse into life in the villages in Malawi.. I hope this insight into a moment of my life acts in bringing us closer haha
HAHAHA!
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