My life is like..

This one’s more for my friends and family at home who might want to know what I do with my life here in Port Elizabeth so I’ve decided to go day by day and update everyone on what my life looks like on each day. Let us begin with what I consider as the start of the week which is Monday.

Mondays at the moment are my free day. I spend this day sleeping in, going for a jog, writing up reports or lessons, shopping...etc Mondays are also usually meeting days for the Baha’i Society at NMMU so I also end up travelling to the university for those sort of things as well.

Tuesdays are my favourite day of the week because that’s when the Rockstars get together. This is our weekly Junior Youth Group at Kuyga school with 40+ participants. This week there was a total of 62 participants including the animators. That’s because on Monday I went to the school and talked to the grade 8 kids about Junior Youth Group and how we need more animators, 21 kids put their hands up to become animators and 17 of those kids attended the Junior Youth Group to get a feel for it and help out. The Rockstars also have their own song and this week they had all gathered in the classroom before we got there and were singing the song together. As we approached the room we could hear this choir of 10-15 year old voices all singing their song, some showing off their dance moves, in anticipation of our arrival. It was such a successful session. We started at 1pm and went till 4pm.

After our jy group Bayan and I go and visit Aziz who is a pioneer from Kenya. He is also a teacher but works at a different school and we are hopefully going to start Ruhi Book 1 with some of the students from his school on Tuesday afternoons as well.

Tuesday nights we have a weekly devotional at my house.

Wednesdays see me temporarily changing residence to another Baha’i family’s home, the Anvaris. First off at 2pm I have a Book 1 with 3 boys from the university, Ndaba, Sanda and Zuko who are friends of some of the Baha’is at the uni. Then I head over to the Anvari’s where I do Baha’i classes with Anise(11years). I spend the night at their place until...

Thursday where I go to the university to prepare for the Baha’i Society’s weekly deepening session and after attending that deepening I spend the night with the youth who live near the university. Also if you read my post called the Basement Project you would know that every second Thursday I go to an open mic event for poetry, hiphop, rap, music and any other type of arts you can think of.

Fridays we have our weekly devotional gathering at the university and the Baha’i society meets to plan future events and things.

Saturdays are also quite hectic and spent almost entirely in Kuyga. I tutor a book 1 at 11.30am then another book 1 at 1pm and try and squish a book 4 somewhere in this day also.

Sundays the community hosts a weekly devotional/deepening which we attend. Generally over the weekends as well I go out with the youth.

So there you have it that’s what my life looks like. Soon there will be an additional book 1 which will include our new Baha’i Basil as well as some friends of the Anvaris and Monday night yoga sessions with a wonderful lady named Aunty Shanty who teaches yoga for free as a service to the community.

PHOTO TIME!!

One of our many fruitful Baha'i Society meetings..
Aviwe
Lunathi
Bayan drinking her tea and Luvuyo trying to sleep

Tuesdays with THE ROCKSTARS


Nthabisang and her group(14years and older)
the other half of Nthabisang's group
Zintle with her group(12-13years)
Sibahle and her group(10-11years)
One of the grade 8 boys Xolani helping out

Sibahle and some of her girls
The animators: Bayan, Nthabisang, Zintle, Sibahle and me :)

The Anxiety of Happiness

Have you ever had a moment where you hear or read something and it is almost as if it was written for you? Like where you feel like the world is crumbling around you and you have nowhere to turn and all hope is lost and then you see a billboard that says “Is your world crumbling around you, do you have nowhere to turn and all hope is lost?” and you stand there almost completely certain that the billboard in front of you was designed with you in mind and that it was all part of some strange plan that you would come across it. The other morning I was woken by my phone buzzing to say that I had an email. It was from my big sister Melody who had sent me a quote and I had an above mentioned moment. Although at the time I decided I would go back to sleep, reading it later I felt like this quote was talking to me and the fact that my sister sent it to me was even more amazing. Have you ever had a song stuck in your head and then the person next to you starts singing it so you tell them “I have that song in my head now and I was even up to the same part that you started singing”? It’s like you are in tune with each other. That used to happen to me and my sister a lot when we were kids and now it’s the same except that instead of having the same song in our heads we have each other in our heads and when I read this email and I read the quote she had sent to me I felt like she was reading my mind.

So now that I’ve raved on about this oh so amazing quote let me explain it. Before I tell you what the quote was I’m going to explain a concept to you so that everything that will proceed will actually make sense to you. The concept of service is one that shouldn’t be foreign to any of us. Doing something for other people without any regard to yourself or any want for recognition, praise or payment is not unique only to the Baha’i Faith, it is a concept that exists in our world and there are so many in our society who participate in acts of service. The Baha’i Faith encourages service to the point where we should have the spirit of service in everything we do be it our jobs, school, hobbies and amongst our family and friends but going on a year of service is another thing all together.

As I have explained before in the Baha’i Faith we have what’s called a Youth Year of Service where youth are encouraged to give at least one year of their lives to the service and betterment of humanity. Now one thing that differs from service in general and service in the Baha’i Faith is tests. Not tests like a written exam or anything that can be marked or graded by someone I mean tests like life tests that ultimately make us stronger as people, tests that come from all different sources that force us to improve ourselves or that we learn something from. These tests are a part of service because life is all about growth and although we are being tested in our own lives every day we know that in the path of service there are even more tests. Although this may seem like a bad thing it actually isn’t. If tests lead to growth then we can come to the conclusion that the more we are tested the more opportunity we are given to grow and so tests are actually a good thing and those who stand up to serve the Cause are being blessed by being given even more tests and so more opportunity for growth. So although service is about the betterment of others everything in a way leads back to us and although we serve without the desire for praise or reward, tests which can be likened unto a gift, are bestowed upon us and so in the end we do benefit personally from service. God only tests us to the level that our capacity can sustain, we will never be tested by God if we cannot handle that test so during our time of service we are faced with many challenges and difficulties which we must learn to overcome so that we can progress. Now following the same train of understanding if we say that tests are like a gift and we receive more tests when we are serving God then we can think of the act of service itself as a gift also. Service leads to tests, tests lead to growth so service leads to growth. In that light service, which is always intended to be of benefit to humanity, is also of benefit to the individual who is serving and as service is an act which is undertaken voluntarily and with sincerity then the individual who is serving should know that no matter what happens and what goes wrong everything is actually making them stronger and that they should be grateful for the opportunity.

That’s the theory of it. We serve because we want to, service leads to growth therefore service is a gift and while undertaking service we should be happy in the knowledge that anything that goes wrong is contributing to our personal development. Sounds good but now for the practical.

Tests are hard, service is hard, life generally comes with hard times now imagine a whole year where you are being given hard times for the sake of your own growth and you feel like you don’t have the right to complain because when you serve you undertake this act knowing full well that service is not about you, you have forsaken your own self for the sake of others, you knew it would come with tests and you know those tests are for your own good so deal with it. That’s what it feels like and every time you want to talk about it people tell you the same thing, service comes with tests it’s not supposed to be easy. Do you know how that makes you feel? If you don’t let me answer that for you, it makes you feel guilty for feeling bad, you feel annoyed at yourself every time you have a thought about packing your bags and going home, you feel disappointed in yourself for not being happy and joyful everyday for the opportunity to be participating in the creation of a better world you feel regretful for every complaint that you make. That’s how you feel. That’s how I felt until I read this quote which my sister sent me and now I will finally reveal it unto you...

"To be required to be happy and assured, while busily serving the Cause, can raise in us more than a little anxiety. The Faith brings each one of us crises as well as victories. Our own lives and even the lives of the central Figures of the Faith have been fraught with agony as well as blessing, with failure and frustration and grief, as frequently as with progress. This is the nature of life...

To rise above the disappointments, obstacles, and pain which we experience in serving the Cause is difficult enough, but to be called on, in doing so, to be happy and confident is perhaps the keenest spiritual test any of us can meet. The lives of the Founders of our Faith clearly show that to be fundamentally assured does not mean that we live without anxieties, nor does being happy mean that there are not periods of deep grief when, like the Guardian, we wrap ourselves in a blanket, pray and supplicate, and give ourselves time for healing in preparation for the next great effort.

(Compilations, Quickeners of Mankind, p. 116)

Do you see now what I mean.. she read my mind AND this extract from the Baha’i writings is talking to me!! The relief I felt when I read this I can’t even explain. The saying I felt a weight lifted off my chest would definitely be appropriate for my circumstance. I mean just read it again.. “to be required to be happy...while serving the Cause, can raise in us more than a little anxiety”... “nor does being happy mean that there are not periods of deep grief.” It’s ok for me to have bad days, to be disappointed, to feel upset and annoyed, it’s ok if I don’t relish in the joy of being tested whilst serving the Faith or if I feel overwhelmed by all the things that go wrong. It’s such a relief!
To explain one thing the Guardian who is mentioned above was the great grandson of Baha’u’llah who was the Messenger of God who established the Baha’i Faith. Shoghi Effendi whose title was the Guardian was given guardianship of the Faith after the passing of Abdu’l-Baha (the son of Baha’u’llah) who was the head of the Faith after His father passed away. All three of these central figures of the Baha’i Faith suffered tremendously for the sake of their Cause. Baha’u’llah was exiled from His home by the Persian government and was a prisoner for 40 years alongside His family including His son Abdu’l-Baha all because of the new Faith that He was exalting. We as Baha’is are always told to follow the example of these central figures who devoted their lives to establishing this new Faith and to the betterment of humanity. That’s where the guilt can arise because nothing we go through in our lives can compare to the hardship that Baha’u’llah faced, my issues are meaningless when juxtaposed to the trials that Abdu’l-Baha dealt with, the hard times that I face seem pitiful next to the stresses and anxiety of Shoghi Effendi. So whenever things go wrong we’re told to follow their examples and it seems like I should never have anything to complain of because comparatively it’s not nearly as bad. But then I read that quote and it redefined everything. Being happy does not mean that you never feel grief and like the Guardian, Shoghi Effendi, I know many days where I have wanted to cover myself in my blankets and just try and recover.

Everyone of us faces different trials in their own lives and even our paths of service will never all be the same. There is no textbook on how to deal with life as we all have to write our own manuals and my manual will not be sufficient for someone else’s life but we can share experience and understanding and hope that in some way someone else can benefit from what we’ve been through. This is what I’ve experienced; feeling misunderstood, alone and without support. You know loneliness is an amazing thing, it doesn’t matter how many people are around you you can still feel completely alone. That isolation comes from feeling unsupported and without anyone to lean on rather than physically being alone. Making new friends is one thing but it never compares to the family and friends you have at home and the time differences don’t help with trying to stay in touch. Living with a new family has it’s complications as well especially where there are new cultures involved, it’s easy enough to say you want to embrace the culture of a country when you don’t know what the culture is and that’s what I was like but it’s not so simple especially coming from a western country. There’s the problem of money and the lack thereof which requires a change in lifestyle because you suddenly can’t afford to live like you used to, living in a country like South Africa where the crime is so high means you have to forsake some of your control in order to be safe. You can’t come home whenever you want to, you can’t go to certain places alone, there is minimal public transport so not everything is easily accessible and some things aren’t accessible at all and so a lot of the time you’re trapped in your home which adds to the loneliness because this only happens at night and evenings here are like 3am in Australia so I can’t even call my friends and talk.

It is hard and I know it’s meant to be hard but now I also know that it’s ok for me to admit that and it’s ok for me to complain and it’s ok for me not to be happy all the time and that in itself makes me feel better.

I really just wanted to share that quote because it meant so much to me and hopefully anyone in the same position can feel the same relief that I experienced. Service comes with tests, tests lead to growth therefore tests are a gift so service is a gift and we should be happy for it but tests are not easy so service is not easy and they can make us feel unhappy but happiness does not mean that we never feel bad so it’s ok to feel down sometimes because even those whose examples we are told to follow felt down sometimes and that’s all part of the package. That’s my conclusion.